This is going to be one amazingly ‘signature’ Conservative plan. No abortion – deep sigh but okay. But to not even include access to contraception as part of our super-duper G8 ground-breaking plan to improve maternal and infant health? I’m having a hard time imagining what will be in this plan.

Guaranteed access to:
Clean water? Not sure how they would do this…
Affordable medication? Nope, this would threaten pharmaceutical monopolies.
Nutritious food? Nope, this would interfere with free-market agribusiness.
Education? Nope, then women might learn about family planning and their rights.

Or maybe they’ll just make sure that every newborn gets a Tory-blue swaddling blanket and a booklet on how to keep their legs crossed in the future.

November 11th is a tough day for me – as I’m sure it is for so many. Of course, my memories are not linked to any of the traditional wars. Nope, November 11, 2004 was the day that I finally took my mother to the Emergency Room in Toronto and waited 8 hours to finally discover that she had a tumour in her brain the size of a plum.

Today though, is beautiful. The sun is shining, the sky is brilliant blue and, after a hard frost and a temperature a few degrees below zero Celsius, the maple trees on my little court appear to be, quite literally, throwing off their leaves. I can sit and watch them fall in a shower that would normally only be caused by a squirrel or bird rummaging amidst the branches.

It is a thrill for me to sit here and watch them, early on this Sunday morning, comfortable and safe in my little house. A house that I have recently sold because I plan to move down to the city. Which, today, reminds me of how fortunate I am to have the freedom to live where I want in this country, and even, if I ever wanted to – to move beyond the borders to one of a multitude of other countries.

Of course, I’m moving so that I can be closer to my school. I confess the reason that I am up so early is not to watch the leaves or enjoy the brilliant fall weather but to work on my essay that is due in a couple of days. I actually feel a little guilty, I am loving my schoolwork perhaps a wee bit too much. So I am grateful for this as well, there are many parts of the world – the majority of the world, in fact, where I would certainly not be allowed to attend a school of higher education and be learning about International Studies. As a woman, there are many parts of the world where I wouldn’t be able to leave my house alone at all.

So, on this Remembrance Day, I feel gratitude. Deep, deep thanks for all the men and women who have worked so hard, who gave their toil, blood, and lives when called upon to do so to provide me with these amazing freedoms that I often take for granted. To those who continue to do their best for me today, no matter how often I disagree with them, I admire their passion and will to go on working.

Thank you.

That’s pretty much it. Today would have been my Mom’s birthday.

I’ll be so glad when this week is over.

Today is a weird day – it’s my anniversary, but not one that I want to celebrate. One year ago today my mother succumbed to a very nasty metastatic cancer after an almost-two-year struggle.

She was surrounded by family for her last hours and it was very peaceful. She went out under heavy morphine sedation, her brain destroyed by a lung cancer.

It was, for me, the most profound experience of my life. To be able to sit with her, hold her hand and ask to see what she saw. As she passed I closed my eyes and saw blinding whiteness. It was so gentle that it brought a huge smile to my face. After being her primary caregiver for two years I felt as if two elephants that I hadn’t even known were there dissolved from my shoulders. I felt tonnes lighter.

If you are currently a caregiver my heart goes out to you – I understand the burden you carry. Hopefully this blog will help to ease the burden. One year later I am still exploring life after caregiving. I can only promise that it does get better. I still cry at seemingly small things and I can’t yet talk about it without tearing up but it *is* better. The world has much more light in it now.

To my mother: You were a total pain in the butt and I love you so much. I miss you dearly and not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.

Mwa.